Thursday, January 17, 2019

What's in your [kill brackets]?
     I am a hard-core Q follower.  I love everything Q.   In fact, if it weren't for Q, I don't know what I would have done last year, because I was out of hope.  All looked so bleak, inside my personal life, outside my home, and all over this dreadful planet.  So, what's Q?  Well, I'm going to refer you to a blog I wrote on, oddly enough, September 11, called "Time to get in the know."   Now, here's the crazy thing.  I didn't know I wrote it on September 11, the 17th anniversary of that horrific day, (Q being the 17th letter in the alphabet).  Neither did I know that it posted at 10:03 am, the exact time that Flight 93 hit the ground, killing all those heroic passengers that foiled the ill-fated flight to Washington D.C.  Who knows what damage that was supposed to do, and to whom.  

     So, I'm going to say what Q says, "How many coincidences does it take before it's mathematically impossible?"  I love that!  What's the chance that I just so happened to be inspired to write about Q on September 11, having no idea about the date, or the posting time. When I get inspired by GOD to write, I have to stop everything and go write.  I know it's from GOD, because it has something wonderful is in it for not just me but for someone else. 

     Getting back to the [kill brackets].  Basically, Q is a covert war between good and evil.  It's underground where we can't see, just like the spiritual battles against or for us are above our heads in the heavens where we can't see.  When Q mentioned the opposition that was to be defeated, initials of said opposition would be in [brackets].  We know them as [kill brackets].   

     I find this almost impossible to believe, but there are so many instances in my personal life that "mirror" what is happening in our country today.  There seems to be a "shadow government" in the spiritual world, and it's bent on taking me down. Right now, I'm some kind of "government shutdown," because my life is stalled. I can't go forward and I can't back to my old life.   There are too many coincidences of my life matching the covert war for it to be mathematically impossible.  It's not like I believe in coincidences, anyway, but for those who do.  I love what my friend says, "Coincidences are when GOD chooses to remain anonymous."  Such truth in that.  

    My original language isn't English, it's METAPHOR.  I see everything in pictures, if you haven't been able to tell, already.   You see, I see life as a book, each chapter is a year, each page a day, each sentence an hour, and each word a moment.  Each moment is occupied by a thought or a deed.  We determine which deed or thoughts we want to do or have to make up our sentences for the page.  This is the gift of free will that GOD has graciously given us.  So, let's take today, what's in your [kill bracket?]  What is keeping you from completing your sentence, your paragraph?  You can't stop the pages from turning, nor the years, but you effect how the sentence is written and how it composes the paragraph, the narrative.  We can have a full page of good, or an empty page of blank white page, it's up to us.  Our [opposition] is in the [kill brackets]. That is what will keep us from filling up the page.  

      I will tell you what's in my [kill bracket].  It's [FEAR]!  That blasted thing, won't leave. It pops up constantly.  [Fear] is my opposition.  I fight it daily, but there are times it stops me.  It stops me when I get in the [fear brackets] with it, and let it control me.  It stops me if I hold up behind the [brackets] and not complete my sentence.  The only way to complete my sentences, my narrative is to either go around the [fear bracket] or to defeat it.  We will always face [opposition], it never goes away, but we have a choice to let it stop us, defeat us, and destroy or diminish our narrative.  

      The [fear] that holds me back is [never leaving this chapter]. This chapter of my life has been simply dreadful, and what feels like the longest. It's been about ten years with each paragraph more negative than the previous.  The promises of GOD in the Bible are my springboard that usually catapult me over the [fear brackets.]  I know them all, but at times, they just seem like words. That's when I get stuck inside the [fear bracket].   It is then that I recognize where I've stumbled, and I tell myself, "GET OUT OF THE [          ].  When I recognize that it is [fear] opposing me, again, I can usually get by it, but there are times when it sneaks up on me and I don't see it. Sometimes it comes in different {forms} and I don't recognize it. 

     So, I ask you, what's in your [kill brackets]?  It is my hope and desire to assist you  in locating and recognizing your  [opposition] and to help you get around it, or over it, or defeat it, because, "Where we go one, we go all!"

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Open hear surgery leaves a scar ~ a very BIG scar

     I have had a lot of surgeries in my life, something like 14 or so.  I know that's a lot, but seven of them were birth related.  I'll let you figure that one out.  I have had a lot of heart breaks in my life, probably the same amount, but, none like the last one. I won't bore with the details, but I will say this, the person who the world would have accused of breaking my heart, did NOT do it. Yes, he treated me pretty bad, yes, he knew how I felt, and yes, he still is pretty mean to me, however, he is NOT responsible and I cannot be angry with him.  He was only following GOD's lead, whether he knows it or not.  

   You see, I believe in the absolute Sovereignty of GOD.  I believe in free will, however, because of the Absolute Sovereignty of GOD, free will has its limits.  If GOD is our creator and the author of our lives, that means He has built into our lives a sort of play. He had already cast the characters and people who would come into our lives, do whatever, blessings or damage, and then exit.  Those people were not puppets, but they were ordained.  

     I had been blessed in that I knew a lot of heart break, but I hadn't known the one that hurts the most, the crushing kind of an unrequited love.  I wrote about one, I felt it when I wrote it in those fiction books, but writing, feeling what we write and living through it are TWO different things.  

     So, GOD brought this man into my life when my marriage ended. I was already raw from my marriage ending, but GOD's timing is perfect and He knows what He is doing.  So, this man and I had a brief relationship, and I saw something in him that lit my heart on fire.  Now, whether he was playing me or not, I cannot tell.  This kind of love was a different kind of love. You see, I had never laid eyes on him, but I believed he had shared his heart with me, and that's what I fell crazy madly in love with, his heart. It was as pure as gold, or so I thought.  I was soon to find out that he was quite human and no less a sinner than the rest of us. 

     The two other men that I had fallen in love with during my youth, also fell in love with me, so, I was blessed.  The first was a wonderful man, but that was not meant to be, the second was the one I married and the father of our eight children. He fell out of love with me, I just don't know when that happened.  I think he did love me, but in a different kind of way.  He loved what I did for him.  He is incapable of loving anyone from the inside out.  He's a good man, but has a heart of stone.  Again, ordained by GOD.  How a marriage ending is ordained by GOD will be explained in a later post. 

   Along comes this other man with a heart of flesh, one that I've never known or seen. My father never had a heart like that, my brothers never had a heart like that, the only one I had known that was even close was my first college boyfriend.  God brought all three of those men into my life, because there were lessons in all those three different kinds of love.  

     I broke my first boyfriend's heart, and like they say, pardon my language, but Karma is a bitch!   I deserved to have my heart broken, this time. It was ordained for my life and the number one factor that got me as close to GOD as I am today.  Yes, I was close before, but when you need GOD to help you take that next breath, well, that's a different kind of love.  As a writer for whatever it is that GOD has ordained for me, I needed to know that kind of heartbreak. What kind of writer would I be, or philanthropist, or agent of healing if I had not known every possible heartbreak a woman can experience.  I had all the other kinds of "heart surgery."  I needed that one last one, the worst one, the open heart surgery one that leaves the worst and biggest scar.  

     I have callouses on my heart like a carpenter has callouses on his hands.  We have to, to do that which GOD has ordained for us to do.  My heart isn't as a stone, it isn't bitter, because for three years, I have fought tooth and nail, (pun intended) to find a way to love a man who crushed me.  Here is how I do it: I Recognize that GOD is the one who sent him, GOD is the one who took him away, and GOD is the one who caused me to fall in love with him. So, essentially, none of this is the man's fault, and all of it is GOD's fault. How does one get angry with a loving GOD who does things only for our good, even if it feels like it is the end of us?  

      The answer is simple, don't think like a human, think like GOD. How can we do that? Simple, anything that makes no sense in regards to human logic is crafted in love and makes perfect sense to GOD.  When we think of the Apostle Paul, do we see him as Saul the hated persecutor? No, we see him as the greatest Apostle and writer of the New Testament.  That is exactly how GOD sees us. He doesn't see us as we are now, steeped in sin, but He sees us in what we will accomplish for Him, because in the Spiritual, there is no time. Thus, what we are going to do, we have already done, therefore, to GOD, we are who He ordained us to be, having done what He ordained us to do. 

     So, thank GOD for those ordained heartbreaks, because like that Scripture says, (the one that I hate the most), He worked all things into your life for good, even if it feels like death right now. 

Monday, January 14, 2019

God does not fix what's wrong with His people.
He starts all over again.

Jesus did not have a mortgage and he wasn't a corporation. He did not have office hours. He did not assign any of his Apostles as CEO. He never bowed down to the Roman government, and tell us to seek approval from the state over our Heavenly Father. Jesus never asked for money, he never pressured his followers to give toward the mortgage fund or a building project so he could expand his ministry. He did not hire a marketing firm to teach us how to be good stewards of the funds the LORD has given us, nor gone on a fund raising campaign. Jesus did not rely on programs. Jesus did not seek converts, he sought disciples. He said,

"To you it has been granted to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been granted. For whoever has, to him more will shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has shall be taken away from him. Therefore, I speak to them in parables; because while seeing they do not see, and while hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand."

He then went on to quote the prophet Isaiah, because Jesus knew intimately what was written in the Old Testament. He not only knew it, he understood it. I once heard an associate pastor at the church I attend say, "The Old Testament is so hard to understand, it's a difficult read and sometimes so harsh." He was speaking from his own experience. You know what my friend, in my humble opinion, there is actually MORE grace and mercy in the Old Testament than the New. There needs to be a resurgent in the church into the foundation of the church, the Old Testament and the history of GOD's people. Christians who only know the New Testament, but don't know the foundation are like cars parked under a carport. There are no walls, no foundation, just a metal roof that can be blown off in the mildest of hurricanes, or tornadoes where I live. The more we understand the history of GOD's people, the more we can see GOD repeating Himself, over and over, again.

Countries need to have borders, they may even need a wall, example, the wall around Jerusalem to keep out invading armies, however, the church of Jesus Christ was never meant to have walls and a ceiling. May I remind you all that in AD 70, the temple was destroyed. GOD did that, GOD wanted his church to expand beyond one building, beyond one people, beyond one nation. So, what do we do? We build temples again. We build them and plaster them all over the world. Christians' motto is "You need to go to church." Jesus never said, "Go to temple," he said, be the temple. If you ask anyone why do you go to church, you'll get one of two answers. They'll say either, "The Bible says never give up meeting together, (which is the correct answer), or they'll say, "To get fed spiritually." You know what? That's like saying, I go to the grocery store to eat and I eat it there, only.

There is a serious problem in Christianity today, and I believe that GOD is going to do something about it. The people want to be spoon-fed the Bible once a week or so. We have a church filled with the Biblically illiterate. The church has been dumbed down. God is not going to fix the church, because the church cannot be fixed. Basically, the church doesn't want to be fixed, either. GOD never tried to fix his people who had given themselves over to idols or mixed the world in with their religion. What GOD did was pull out a remnant and start over. Case in point, Noah, then Abram, then Moses, then Samuel who led Saul, until Saul turned back to the world's way of doing things. Then GOD entrusted his people under the care of David. Now that was a messed up king, but whose heart was fully devoted to the LORD. After David, Solomon led the people astray and the kingdom was divided. As time went on, His people delineated as they usually do.

GOD pulled out a remnant again with Zerubbabel and started all over again. Then Jesus and his disciples, and then Martin Luther. Four hundred years ago, He pulled out another remnant and shipped them off to the New World. Well, it's time for a new remnant, and I do believe GOD is going to do it again. Luther began the Reformation, but it needs to be a work completed, and now is the time. Luther still had too much of the world mixed in with faith in GOD. How is GOD going to do it? Well, I have a pretty good idea, but I'll leave that up to GOD to show His remnant. I will tell you this one thing, His remnant will have a new kind of faith, a faith that is pure as gold refined.

I have this strange kind of faith that most people do not understand. I believe in GOD's ABSOLUTE Sovereignty over every human being. Yes, we have free will, but our free will does not "trump" GOD's sovereignty over His world and His plan for it. (The earth is the LORD's and everything on it and all who dwell in it. Psalm 24:1) GOD wants a pure faith, not one that mixes the world in it. He wants complete trust in Him in all we do in all our decisions, and to not mix the world's philosophies or practices in with our life with Him.

In other words, people, the church today, for the most part, mixes dirt in with the brownie mix, bakes it and then tells us to eat it. God wants to give us fudge covered brownies, nothing but pure chocolate, the sweetened mixed in with the unsweetened kind, because people, life is hard and some times it ain't that sweet.

Friday, January 11, 2019

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS #GraceUponGrace? 
(clue at the bottom of the post) 

(Feel free to leave a comment to tell me not to waste my time if you think this is stupid.)

      If anyone out there can figure this out, please feel free to let me in on it.  There is one thing I can answer, though, and that is what is grace upon grace?  Well, it's the New Testament upon the foundation of the Old Testament.  So many people say that the new covenant or dispensation of grace came with the New Testament and Jesus death on the cross.  I'm here to tell you that nothing is further from the truth than this. Grace is as old as Genesis 3.  Grace, as a matter of fact, came into being before the creation of the world. 

     I'm a New Englander, so I get to the point pretty quick. Some people like it, some people hate it.  We are NEVER going to be able to please all people, so we need to focus on the ones GOD sends us to who will get the message. That's what Jesus did. He spoke in parables, because he knew that some people would love his message and delivery, and some would hate it.  Jesus had way more confidence in his mission and his person than this humble writer.  

     So, I got this book in my head, and partially on paper, only I don't know how to write it exactly, say it correctly, arrange it orderly, and when to finish it.  I don't want to write a boring biography, because nobody cares who I am or what I've been through. It won't make for a good read, anyway. Yet, my points in the book, come from my experiences and lessons that I've learned in the fiery furnace of affliction for these past, oh, I don't know, forty or even FIFTY years. To some, I've had a charmed life, but to many, people who know all about it would say, "What and you're still standing?" 

     So #GraceUponGrace, I guess, is this simple woman's commentary on the Bible. No, it's NOT doctrine, it's NOT scholarly. I didn't learn this in a seminary. I'm not a prophet claiming to hear some strange revelation from GOD, (although, sometimes I wonder if He's said some radical things to me.)  I learned it from reading it, front to back, back to front, chronologically, (in time order), taking each verse apart word by word, learning the context and history and culture behind every event, passage and chapter. I also learned it by living the life of every Biblical  hero, (in my own eyes of course) through my trials, tribulations, pain, and  screw-ups.  

    Here is my final summary of this book, #GraceUponGrace,  if it ever gets written, like I said, I get to the point quickly, simply put: The Bible is meant to be read!  I know, too simple.  Let me expand.  It's not to be fought over, used as a weapon, quoted out of context, used to validate our own presuppositions, many of them wrong. It's not meant to be used to attack one another personally, or another person's ministry calling, WORST of all, to condemn those who have no clue what it is about.  That's the worst thing we do.  

   We don't score GOD points when we over contextualize it to the point that nobody understands a word we are saying, because we want to sound like some kind of Biblical/Academic genius. GOD didn't go to the nobles first when He came into the world as a baby.  First of all, He came into the world as a baby, in a lowly, normal ordinary family, a bunch of unknowns. Second, He announced his birth to even more lowly unknowns, a bunch of smelly shepherds, tending sheep in a field, at night, in the dark.  No red carpet, no spotlights, no cameras, no self-promotion, no fancy marketing techniques, and most importantly, not seeking financial gain by spreading the Word/Gospel/Good News, that was meant to be free indeed. 

    So, this lowly, humble writer is going to write a book explaining the Bible and GOD and Jesus's purpose to the best of her ability, based on what she's learned by experience, by trial, by reading and reading and reading, and reading, but most of all throughout a lifetime of pain.  You can take it or leave it. I'm here to serve the LORD.  I want to help those with broken spirits, lost in their pathway in life, and mostly, those who have been so hurt by imperfect church people who didn't know what they were doing, either, and they walked away YEARS ago.  I'm here to open a door to GRACE UPON GRACE!

     Here is my problem. I can't self-promote. Not just that I don't want to, I am unable to.  I'm way too shy.  I would rather hide behind the pages of a book.  I'm NOT doing this for profit, and I don't want a publishing contract with anyone, but GOD.  So, I'm going to need some hands on help. Hand to hand help, one might say.  If you read this book, when it's done, and GOD will make sure that happens if you're meant to read it, then pass it along to someone you know needs to read it. Don't re-sell it, give it away.  I'm NOT here for profit, so if you want to purchase a copy for a friend, or give away yours, feel free.  If you don't have the resources to be that generous, and you want to keep your copy, then at least tell someone about it.  Word of mouth, or hand to hand. You see, that's how the Gospel was spread in the beginning, and in my humble opinion, I think GOD wants us to go back to the beginning, because,


(If you want a preview of #GraceUponGrace, much of it's content will be my previous blogs.
There will be much more added, but to get a flavor, if you want, research.)


Thursday, December 20, 2018

It's NOT rocket science here. Deduce!

(Emphasis: MINE)

Psalm 118 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Thanksgiving for the Lord’s Saving Goodness.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
For His loving kindness is everlasting.
Oh let Israel say,
“His loving kindness is everlasting.”
Oh let the house of Aaron say,
“His loving kindness is everlasting.”
Oh let those who fear the Lord say,
“His loving kindness is everlasting.”
From my distress I called upon the Lord;
The Lord answered me and set me in a large place.
The Lord is for me; I will not fear;
What can man do to me?
The Lord is for me among those who help me;
Therefore I will look with satisfaction on those who hate me.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
Than to trust in man.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
Than to trust in princes.
All nations surrounded me;
In the name of the Lord I will surely cut them off.
They surrounded me, yes, they surrounded me;
In the name of the Lord I will surely cut them off.
They surrounded me like bees;
They were extinguished as a fire of thorns;
In the name of the Lord I will surely cut them off.
You pushed me violently so that I was falling,
But the Lord helped me.
The Lord is my strength and song,
And He has become my salvation.
The sound of joyful shouting and salvation is in the tents of the righteous;
The right hand of the Lord does valiantly.
The right hand of the Lord is exalted;
The right hand of the Lord does valiantly.
will not die, but live,
And tell of the works of the Lord.
[g]The Lord has disciplined me severely,
But He has not given me over to death.
Open to me the gates of righteousness;
I shall enter through them, I shall give thanks to the Lord.
This is the gate of the Lord;
The righteous will enter through it.
I shall give thanks to You, for You have answered me,
And You have become my salvation.
The stone which the builders rejected
Has become the chief corner stone.
This is the Lord’s doing;
It is marvelous in our eyes.
This is the day which the Lord has made;
Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Lorddo save, we beseech You;
Lord, we beseech You, do send prosperity!
Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord;
We have blessed you from the house of the Lord.
The Lord is God, and He has given us light;
Bind the festival sacrifice with cords to the horns of the altar.
You are my God, and I give thanks to You;
You are my God, I extol You.
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
For His loving kindness is everlasting.

Saturday, December 8, 2018

Who am I?  Better yet, who are you?

    Even though I may have written a couple of fiction books, I did it not because I wanted to, but because GOD put a story in my head.  I totally objected to the idea of writing a novel, because I'm NOT a novelist.  I don't want a publishing contract, I don't even want them really out there until after I'm gone. I'd rather not be known at all.    

     I'm not a college graduate, unless you want to count four years of college with only an Associate's Degree to speak of? I'm not a seminary student, I have no theological training, unless you count twenty-nine years as a student of the Word and the countless hours learning from the best of the best from You Tube for these past six years, while buried 5'1" deep in the Word of GOD, so much so, that I have to have it playing while I'm sleeping. Thank you BibleGateway for that audio Bible. 
     I'm a mother, halfway there. Four adult children, four minor children.  I'm a wife, but cast aside by a husband who doesn't want to live the Christian life anymore, after 30 years.  I'm not an ex, I'm not the current, but by law, I'm the one who gets to pull the plug. 
     I'm not old as some would see it, but I'm not young as others would see it. I'm at that dreadful middle-age.  You know, smack dab in the middle, wishing I was young, but not stupid, yet, wishing I was a golden-oldie almost done, packing up and getting ready for retirement in Paradise with Jesus. 
     Basically, I'm nobody, and at the same time, I'm everybody I know, I've studied, all the ones who gave me the strength and reason to put my feet on the floor in the morning, besides my four minor children, who now only have one parent full-time, and another who is paying his "guilt-offering," so he can run off and be with another.  

   So, daily, I ask GOD, who am I? 

      Lately, the only people I can identify with are the ones I've studied with eighteen different Bibles.  I collect them, because I have no other life to speak of.   So, I guess:

     I'm Abram - called out of Ur or in my case - Massachusetts 

     I'm Leah - the rejected wife who was always unloved - playing second fiddle still

     I'm Jacob - the trickster, trying to manipulate GOD, losing all the time, because I'm slow learner

     I'm Joseph - rejected by my siblings as the different one, imprisonrd for not doing "it" Egypt's way.

     I'm Ruth - married to Mahlon, the weakling with no future, a Moabite woman, wishing there was a Boaz for me.

     I'm Hannah- barren with no spiritual descendants to speak of, to love on, to raise, to guide, to dedicate to the LORD, but a rival that taunts me daily. 
     I'm David- hunted by a mad king (the devil) wanting to kill me, yet suffering the consequences of my sin with "Bathsheba" in my moment of weakness.

     I'm Josiah - The Law has been found under my watch, but GOD's subjects prefer it their own way, as in the book of Judges.

     I'm Jeremiah - the weeping prophet with a fire burning inside me that I can't quench, GOD won't put out, and grieving for what I see as not just a lost sheep, but an entire field of them. 

      I'm Daniel - trapped in a upper room with only Jesus as my friend, nose buried in the Word, if not in the carpet, sucking up prayer dust mixed with tears. (With an occasion Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-ego who show up at very opportune times, one in particular!)

      I'm Zerubbabel - an exile, wondering if ever we will ever be able to back to Jerusalem and rebuild or are we lost forever, a people forsaken by GOD, so as it seems. 

     What about you?  Who are you?  Can you identify with one of these? Maybe you can identify with all of them, like I can. Are you a seed in the soil like me, covered up, buried in the dirt where it's dark, damp and you feel quite alone and despaired wanting to break out of your shell?  Maybe you have a dream bigger than the prison in which your trapped? David did, Joseph did, Jacob did, Josiah did, Daniel did, he even found it in Jeremiah's writing. 

     Zerubbabel not only did, but was chosen by GOD to live out that dream.  He didn't just live out the dream, but was given a prophecy for our time.   A prophecy that has yet to be fulfilled, a prophecy that has been sealed up, hidden by the hand of GOD.  I see this prophecy coming to pass in our time, maybe this year, maybe next year, but definitely for now.  Time will tell, because GOD never gave a prophecy that made sense to any of the prophets until after it was fulfilled.  If anyone tells you they have the keys to the end times, consider them a false prophet, because none of us will truly know or understand GOD's time-line until AFTER it has come to pass and played out in the end for GOD's Glory, the Kingdom's sake and in the name of Jesus.